“We’re waiting for [Pastornicky] again this year,” Gonzalez said sarcastically, in a good-natured tone that nonetheless sent a message. “Schafer probably has a tough time getting travel arrangements. He’s another one I’m going to grab. He only lives two exits up the road here; I haven’t seen him yet."
Holy crap. How dumb are you guys? Oh wait, Schafer already spent a 50 game suspension for PED violations, got arrested for dope, and couldn't hack it on the Astros. When the God-forsaken Astros put you back in a box with "Return to sender" stamped on it? You officially suck at baseball and possibly life.
Pastornicky lost his job to a rookie that couldn't hit in spring training because he had hands of stone at short. Nobody knew that he also had a brick for a brain as well. Maybe he's so dumb he couldn't find his pants, and that kept him from making it to training. Maybe his agent didn't inform him that showing up at the last possible second looks bad when you're TRYING TO GET YOUR JOB BACK.
As far as I'm concerned we should have just cut them as they got out of the car. Pull a Willy Mays Hayes and just put their bunk out in the parking lot. The downside is that Pastornicky might not notice, and Schafer would just get high in the parking lot until he could hitch a ride to the Keys.